Where do our fears come from? And how do we live in a position of power rather than always being afraid?

Researchers have helped us figure out the answer. In one study, psychologists kept a list of all the fears they heard about from their clients and found that most of them originated from three distinct categories. If you are aware of those sources of fear, you can choose whether to push past them or allow them to hold you back.

TL/DR: 3 Big Sources of Fear

The three categories that drive most fears are helplessness, uncertainty, and abandonment (aka HUA). Let’s take a look at each one.

How to Gain Mastery Over Your Fears?

Discover actionable tips to face your fears head-on.

Sol Bites: How to Handle the Big 3

Feeling Helpless

When you feel weak or powerless, your mind reacts by craving power or autonomy. To make matters worse, you may start developing expectations about how your situation will play out, and those expectations can lead to disappointment. To overcome the fear of helplessness, substitute your expectations (a certainty) for hopefulness. Having hope implies that you can’t control the outcome—which is a good thing. 

Next time you feel helpless, or things feel out of control, try this little experiment: Whenever you talk to yourself about what you think will or should happen in the future, try rephrasing your thoughts. 

Instead of saying…

I can’t believe I fumbled that job interview… I should have said X (expectation)

Say…

I can’t believe I fumbled that job interview… I hope I do better next time. (hope)

Running that one little experiment can help you become more aware of how expectations operate in your life. Because if you unconsciously use expectations to avoid uncertainty and helplessness, you’re setting yourself up for much more pain and suffering in the long run. 

On the other hand, if you can learn to confront and accept your lack of control and certainty—even in very small forms of self-talk—you’ll experience genuine emotional relief and confidence in the long term. Hold onto hope, but let go of expectation.

Feeling Uncertain. 

Like overcoming any excessive fear, the key to conquering the fear of uncertainty is facing it head-on rather than avoiding it. Here are a couple of tips to help you build emotional strength:

Start small by embracing uncertainty and tolerating anxiety in small situations or for short periods of time. As your confidence grows, challenge yourself with more difficult tasks.

Remember that just because something feels bad doesn't mean it is bad. Emotional pain, like hunger, is uncomfortable but won't harm you. Feeling anxious for a while is uncomfortable but not dangerous.

Emotionally fit people have healthy relationships with uncertainty. Like any relationship, it becomes stronger the more time you spend together.

Feeling Abandoned.

Recognize that this fear is about quality, not quantity. Even if you have a lot of people in your circle—friends on social media, a bunch of busy coworkers, and an active social life—you could still feel shut out or alone. When that happens, it could mean you are searching for emotional intimacy or better-quality connections. This means you’re looking for people with whom you can share how you feel and be understood.

But to feel emotional intimacy or a sense of belonging, you need to be willing to open up and be vulnerable.

Instead of fearing abandonment, consider it a valuable reminder. It could be your mind's way of signaling the importance of emotional connection, something we all yearn for. Embracing vulnerability may be challenging, but finding the emotional intimacy you want is necessary.

Video Bite

Sol TV Creator Neil Seligman shows us how to evolve our relationship with fear. Remember: those you admire often feel afraid, BUT they push through to do amazing things.  

Words of Wisdom

Along the Same Lines…

We love you,
Mona & The Sol TV Team ❤️