Why Do We Sweat Over What They Said?

You may not like to hear this, but people have always had opinions about you, and they always will. For many of us, this can be really hard to handle—you might even actually get sweaty (over)thinking every word that might have been said. The real issue, though, isn’t what people may think of you, it’s that you're caught in a loop of caring too much about what they said. You probably think, "I need to be liked, understood, approved of," and when you start obsessing over it, you add another layer: "This obsession is bad; I'm weak for feeling this way." It's a mental trap, a feedback loop of noise. Fighting it or labeling it bad doesn't make it go away. You can't force yourself to stop caring. You have to recognize it for what it is— noise—and keep moving.

Here are three ways to do it:

1) Understand People Are Going to Backbite—It's Not About You

You’ve probably encountered this before: someone who smiles at your face and then trashes you behind your back. A cousin, a friend, whoever it is, it cuts deeper when it's close to home. The pain isn't just in the betrayal; it's the realization that your trust in them was as fragile as a house of cards. 

But here's the truth: Their gossip is not about you. It's about them. Some people are wired to talk, judge, and vent. It can be second nature to them and a way of processing their own jealousy, boredom, or insecurity. You just happen to be a target of the day.

Unfortunately, confronting them won’t fix anything. Conflict rarely changes hearts; it just deepens the divide. So what should you do instead? Nothing—not in a passive, defeated way, but in a deliberate, powerful way. Acknowledge the chatter in your head—the revenge fantasies, the "Why me?" rants—and let it drift by like smoke. You don't need to decode their motives or rewrite their story about you. It's not your script. And you’ll never completely know why they said what they did. Half the time, neither do they.

2) Let Your Emotions Slide Without Losing Yourself

When you hear that someone has made an unkind remark about you, it can lead to intense feelings, and doing nothing about it can feel impossible at first. After all, your brain is designed to protect itself.

Your resulting emotions—anger, shame, whatever—may hit like a storm, but those feelings will only stick around if you choose to hold on to them. Validate that your reaction is okay, then watch as the feelings shift, fade, and transform. During those times, it's best to lean into what uplifts you. Go for a run, write, dance, or do some other creative activities remind you of your strengths or talents.

Even the most successful people face criticism daily. They can be praised as geniuses in one moment and dismissed as frauds in the next. You don’t have to ride the rollercoaster of every opinion.

3) Cherry-Pick Who Gets a Say

Not everyone’s words deserve weight. I used to spiral over a co-worker’s snide remark or a friend’s petty jab, as if their opinion outweighed my sense of self-worth. Now? I’m selective. When it comes to what people think of me, I only value the opinions of a handful of people: those who’ve earned their place in my mind through trust and authenticity.

Even then, I don’t let their words shake me unless the criticism is about something concrete and truly matters to me. As for everyone else? What they say is just background noise. I don’t need their approval.

The key to letting go isn’t shutting down—it’s recognizing that other people’s gossip reflects them, not you. If their words sting, feel the emotions and let them pass through you. Anyone can talk, but you decide who’s worth listening to.

Along the Same Lines…

We love you,
Mona & The Sol TV Team ❤️

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