This Newsletter at a Glance:

🤔 TL/DR: 3 Reasons People Are Stuck Being Angry

💡 Sol Bites: 3 Ways to End Chronic Anger

🎥 Video Bite: Mathura Mahendren on Anger

🦉 Words of Wisdom

Anger masks our sadness.

In many cultures, sadness is considered a sign of weakness—especially among men. As a result, rather than taking time to reflect on the pain or grief that brought on the feeling, we learn to avoid it, often numbing the feeling with drugs, alcohol, casual sex, or fake cheerfulness. When being down isn’t considered an option, people might choose to be angry instead. It could take the form of sarcasm, rudeness, and stress, which can make someone temporarily feel good . . . or at least much better than sad.

Unfortunately, relying on anger to cope with or evade the distress caused by sadness and grief can become a bad habit. It’s a tendency that is notably more common among men, particularly those surrounded by male figures who use anger as a coping mechanism.

Being critical of others boosts our self-esteem.

Anger can be a mood booster when people have low self-esteem about how they look, their choices, or how they live their life. How? Putting others down or getting mad about their behavior can make you feel better about yourself.

Of course, people with genuine self-esteem are proud of themselves for who they are, flaws and failures, and all.

You’re not voicing your wants and needs.

Many people—especially women—are conditioned to place other people’s wants and needs ahead of their own. As a result, many of us feel resentful or irritated toward everyone we must be “nice” to. Chronic anger often stems from not speaking up about your desires or ignoring them altogether.

Schedule time to be sad and reflect on why you feel that way.

Start with a 10-minute session. Write down the things you are sad about and any circumstances related to how you got there. You don’t need to analyze, fix, or judge it. Just write it down and sit with it. When the time is up, you can throw away the paper if you like it. The point is to accept the feeling of sadness and not be afraid of it. You’ll come away with more strength to handle painful emotions rather than avoid them.

Build your self-esteem. 

Every day, ask yourself, “What is the one thing I can do today that will make me proud of myself?” Do whatever it is, and you’ll have an improved perception of yourself in time.

Practice assertiveness. 

This skill is the key to expressing your desires respectfully while considering both your needs and the wishes of others. (Check out our post on assertiveness for some easy tips and exercises.)

Anger is nothing more than an outward manifestation of inner pain and unresolved issues. People are angry all the time because they are hurting inside and have not yet found the healing and peace they desperately need.