Three months ago, I was again sitting in a café at 9 p.m., helping my co-worker finish a project. The barista was giving me that look—the one that says, "We're closing soon." But I had promised to help, just like I always do.

That's when my phone buzzed. It was a message from my best friend:

"Still working on that presentation?"

"Yeah, almost done," I typed back.

"Don’t you have your own deadline tomorrow?"

And there it was. The truth about myself that was impossible to ignore was that I never put myself first.

The Hidden Price Tag

We all know someone who's always there, always helpful, always saying yes. The office MVP. The person who'd drop everything to solve someone else's crisis.

I was seen as the reliable friend, but here’s what most people didn't see:

• The projects I wasn't starting because I was busy helping someone else—projects that could have advanced my career

• The evenings I spent answering "urgent" messages—time I could have spent recharging or with my loved ones

• The hobbies I dropped—hobbies that brought me joy and helped me de-stress.

• The sleep I was consistently losing, leaving me drained and unfocused

• The resentment simmering beneath the surface, hurting my relationships

• The boundaries I didn't even know I needed

The Turning Point

After I complained to my best friend, she asked me: "What would happen if you treated your priorities with the same respect you give everyone else? And what message are you sending to yourself when you constantly prioritize other people's stuff above your own?"

I didn't have an answer. And that was my answer.

The Assertive Shift

When I became assertive, my relationships didn't suffer anymore—they got stronger. To my surprise, people didn't hate me for having boundaries; they simply started respecting them.

I finally learned to tell a coworker, "I can look over your project for 30 minutes, but then I need to focus on my own deadline." And guess what? The world didn't end. My co-worker figured it out. And I started meeting my own deadlines for the first time in months. This newfound clarity, this ability to say "no" without guilt and "yes" with intention, didn't just happen; it was cultivated through four specific, actionable strategies. 

4 Tactics to Put Yourself First

These strategies are about shifting your mindset and reclaiming your power.

1. The Joy Inventory

Intentionally identify and prioritize activities that bring you fulfillment.

• Make a list of things that truly light you up—hobbies, experiences, interactions, anything that makes you feel alive.

• Schedule these activities into your life first before filling your time with obligations.

• Treat these "pleasure appointments" with the respect you would give any other important commitment.

Assertiveness isn't just about saying "no" to the bad stuff; it's about saying "yes" to the good stuff. Filling your life with joy creates a natural buffer against people-pleasing tendencies.

2. The Discomfort Diet

Intentionally place yourself in mildly uncomfortable situations to build resilience.

• Identify small, everyday actions that make you slightly anxious (e.g., speaking up in a meeting, trying something new, initiating a conversation with a stranger, wearing a bold outfit).

• Commit to doing one of those things each day or week.

• Reflect on how you feel before, during, and after.

Assertiveness often requires us to step outside our comfort zones. Regularly facing minor discomforts builds your capacity to handle significant challenges and assert yourself more confidently.

3. The Strategic Yes

Say "yes" to activities that align with your goals, values, or desires, and engage in them enthusiastically and with commitment.

• Before agreeing to anything, consider whether it's a "Hell yes!" If it's not an enthusiastic yes, then it's a no.

• When you say "yes," do so wholeheartedly and follow through with your commitment.

Saying “yes” strategically helps you build a reputation for reliability and intentionality. It also enables you to conserve energy for things that matter to you.

4. The Red Flag List

List behaviors or situations that represent when your boundaries are being crossed.

• Reflect on past experiences where you felt taken advantage of, disrespected, or resentful.

• Identify the behaviors or situations that preceded those feelings. Some examples:

  • Someone constantly interrupts you.

  • Being asked to do things at the last minute.

  • Feeling pressured to agree to something you're not comfortable with.

• Write down those "red flags" and keep the list handy.

When you recognize boundary violations early on, it allows you to address them before they escalate.

Use those four tactics to rewrite your old scripts, replacing the automatic "Sure, I can do that" with intentional and assertive choices. 

Along the Same Lines…

We love you,
Mona & The Sol TV Team ❤️

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