Welcome to Wisdom & Sol and to the 1,483 people who have joined us since last week! If you haven’t subscribed, join our community of 44,173 intelligent, curious folks who want to boost their emotional well-being by subscribing here.

Conflict in relationships isn't just expected—it's inevitable. Two unique individuals with different backgrounds, preferences, and perspectives will naturally disagree sometimes. The question isn't whether conflicts will occur but how couples handle them when they do.

Avoiding conflict might feel comfortable in the moment, but you may not realize it has a long-term effect: gradually eroding relationships over time. People who dodge difficult conversations are prioritizing short-term emotional comfort over long-term relationship health. Identifying conflict-avoidant behaviors in potential partners can save you from years of frustration and resentment.

We all know how it feels to sense something is off with a partner, but they insist, “Everything’s fine.” This seemingly small moment of conflict avoidance can be the first step toward relationship breakdown. While most people picture conflict as dramatic shouting matches, the reality is often much quieter: tense silences, changing the subject, or simply saying, “It’s nothing" when it's clearly something.

People avoid confrontation primarily because they can't manage fear constructively. When faced with potential disagreement, the brain often triggers a threat response—the same system that evolved to protect us from physical danger. This makes perfect evolutionary sense, but in modern relationships, it creates dysfunction.

Most everyday conflicts don't involve screaming or threats. They're about ordinary disagreements: where to spend the holidays, how to budget for groceries, or whose turn it is to do the dishes. These seemingly minor issues, when repeatedly avoided, create the foundation for serious relationship problems.

TL/DR: Why People Run From Conflict

Conflict avoidance happens because many people haven't developed healthy ways to manage fear. They worry about rejection, judgment, or making things worse, so they choose temporary peace over addressing real issues.

Think of conflict avoidance as relationship procrastination. Just as putting off an important work project makes it more stressful later, avoiding relationship discussions compounds problems until they become overwhelming.

Sol Bites: How to Spot Someone Who Avoids Conflict

The Real-Life Impact

Let's look at how conflict avoidance plays out in genuine relationships. Imagine you're dating someone who gets noticeably tense whenever you suggest hanging out with your friends. When asked directly, they insist nothing's wrong, but their body language tells a different story.

As this pattern continues, you start spending less time with your friends to avoid the uncomfortable atmosphere. Meanwhile, you grow increasingly frustrated that your partner won't be honest about their feelings. Your partner might secretly hope you'll understand their unspoken wishes while simultaneously resenting themselves for not speaking up.

Over time, these unaddressed issues create a widening gap between you. Small resentments accumulate into major disconnection. Trust erodes because you both begin to doubt whether the other person is being authentic. The relationship that once felt so promising becomes strained by the weight of unspoken words.

Why Emotional Maturity Matters

Finding a partner who approaches conflict instead of avoiding it isn't just about making your life easier. It reflects something fundamental about their emotional development and relationship values. When someone consistently prioritizes their immediate comfort over addressing issues with someone else, they show you exactly where their priorities lie.

Emotional maturity means being willing to experience temporary discomfort for long-term relationship health. It means recognizing that honest communication, even when difficult, strengthens your connection rather than threatens it. A person who can say, "This is hard for me to bring up, but I need to talk about something that's bothering me," demonstrates real commitment to the relationship.

The most critical skill in successful relationships is the ability to handle conflict constructively. While it's tempting to seek partners who never disagree with us, finding someone who can navigate disagreements respectfully and openly is the healthier approach.

By recognizing the signs early and prioritizing authentic communication in your relationships—instead of procrastinating dealing with them—you can build stronger connections through challenges rather than crumbling under them.

The next time you're getting to know someone, pay attention not just to how they make you feel during the good times but how they handle the inevitable moments of tension. Their approach to conflict today predicts the health of your relationship tomorrow.

How to Use Your Attachment Styles to Improve Your Relationship

Is it them, is it you, or is it just...attachment? A guide to less messy relationship fights.

Video Bite

Sol TV Creator Neil Seligman shares insights on navigating family conflicts. This three-minute video could be invaluable if you anticipate challenging family meals.

Words of Wisdom

Along the Same Lines…

We love you,
Mona & The Sol TV Team ❤️

Lastly, some housekeeping…

If you can't find the newsletter, check your spam folder. If it’s there, mark it as “not spam.”

• Whitelist our email. Add our email address [email protected] to your contact list or your Primary inbox in Gmail.