Wisdom & Sol
Posts
99% of People Don't Realize This About Their Anger...

99% of People Don't Realize This About Their Anger...

Plus, the surprising truth about venting that could be making things worse.

Sol TV
May 23, 2024

This Newsletter at a Glance

❓ Anger Taking Over

🔎 TL/DR: Hidden Dangers of Unresolved Anger

☀️ Sol Bites: Breathe, Don’t Vent

🎁 Bonus: Your Anger Could Be Hiding These 13 Secrets

🎬 Video Bite: Mathura Mahendren on Managing Anger

🦉 Words of Wisdom

Anger Taking Over

It's totally human to feel angry—and as we’ve discussed before, anger even serves a useful purpose. It’s a natural reaction to injustice, and it fuels change. But things can go south if you’re bottling up or brushing off your anger.

TL/DR: Hidden Dangers of Unresolved Anger

These are signs that you’re holding onto anger. Deal with it—or face the consequences.

Passive-Aggressive Behavior

Have you ever been so mad you could scream, but you held it in instead? You might think you’re doing a good thing, but pretending you’re okay when you’re actually mad isn’t helpful in the long run. Why? Because people eventually see through the act and start thinking you’re dishonest. Your relationships will tank, and you’ll end up lonelier than a single-player in a multiplayer game. Worse, you start believing the negative things people will say about you, fueling a cycle of self-loathing and low self-esteem.

The escape route: Start being real about your feelings. Practice assertiveness by admitting when you’re ticked off, but in a way that respects other people’s needs and your own. It's not about squashing your anger but channeling it healthily.

Venting

Ranting to your friends, family, or co-workers might feel like you’re purging your bad vibes, but it’s feeding your beast. The old-school idea in psychology was that venting helped release pent-up anger, but it turns out it's a myth. Venting cranks up the intensity of negative feelings over time. So, if you find yourself constantly complaining, it’s a sign you’ve got more anger lurking under the surface than you realize.

The fix? Get better at recognizing your frustrations and take constructive action or let go. Venting feels good in the short term but leaves real issues untouched and festering.

Hypercriticism

We like to refer to this as the Sneaky Anger Mask. It’s what you have on when you dish out criticism but think you’re just being super analytical and intellectual. You might be covering up some deep-seated anger and insecurity. Hypercriticism often stems from dissatisfaction with yourself and situations you’re not addressing. It’s like projecting your internal turmoil onto others to feel superior for a moment. Habitually critical people often seem cool and detached, but that exterior hides a storm of self-directed anger. In a nutshell, being super critical or venting all the time are just ways your inner frustrations sneak out.

The first step to breaking this habit is recognizing, understanding, and dealing with your insecurities, which will help you find healthier ways to express your emotions. Only then can you be less judgmental towards others.

Chronic Anxiety

Many people stay stuck in a loop of chronic anxiety because they’re scared of their simmering anger. The fear is so deep-rooted (thanks, traumatic childhoods!), that they avoid anger at all costs—which creates loads of stress. Because of that, many people become pushovers, are overworked, and stay in toxic relationships.

So remember: Dodging anger doesn’t save you from the emotion; it may just turn it into anxiety.

Your Anger Could Be Hiding These 13 Secrets

Have you ever wished you had a rewind button for those anger outbursts? Take a few minutes to read this.

Sol Bites: Breathe, Don’t Vent

In yoga, Kapalabhati breathing (also known as the Breath of Fire) is a powerful pranayama (breath control) technique. It features a rapid, rhythmic, and continuous pattern and is typically done through the nose, with equal emphasis on inhaling and exhaling.

Research-backed studies show that pranayama can increase lung capacity and boost oxygenation, energizing you. Breathwork can also detoxify your body by expelling carbon dioxide and other toxins through the breath. It stimulates the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems, helping to relieve stress and anxiety. In addition, it enhances mental focus and clarity by increasing the flow of oxygen to the brain.

Here's how to practice it:

1: Sit comfortably with a straight spine (crossed-legged), shoulders relaxed, and hands resting on the knees.

2: Breathe in and out rapidly through the nose, focusing on the exhale. The inhale happens naturally as a reaction to the exhale. Imagine that you're blowing your nose—that is the force you should use.

3: Aim to do about 2-3 breaths per second.

4: Engage your diaphragm and core muscles to help force the breath out, as if you are pumping your navel towards your spine with each exhale.

Important note: The Breath of Fire can be risky for certain people. If you have heart problems, high blood pressure, spinal disorders, a respiratory infection, or vertigo, you should NOT practice Breath of Fire. Experts also advise against using the Breath of Fire during pregnancy.

Video Bite

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else. Well it only harms the one holding the hot coal. In this video, Sol TV Creator Mathura Mahendren shares a simple, powerful and very effective anger management technique that she uses in her life.