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Are Your High Expectations Sabotaging Your Happiness?
Discover the hidden culprits behind constant let downs and learn to break free from the grip of unrealistic ideals.
Sol TV
May 16, 2024
This Newsletter at a Glance
✨ Do You Suffer From High Expectations?
🔍 TL/DR: Common Culprits of High Expectations
🎁 Bonus: How to Break Free From Expectations
☀️ Sol Bites: Use This Word Instead
🎬 Video Bite: Jaime Bronstein on Radical Acceptance
🦉 Words of Wisdom
Do You Suffer From High Expectations?
We all have standards, and knowing your worth and expecting certain things from life and relationships is important. However, when you set out-of-reach or out-of-touch standards, you may also be setting yourself up for constant disappointment. Think about it: If you're in a tough situation with someone, chances are your expectations are part of the problem. Reevaluating crazy high expectations you set for yourself can make a huge difference in your relationships, mood, and overall happiness.
TL/DR: Common Culprits of High Expectations
1) Outdated ideas
As a child, you probably imagined your future and had grandiose ideas of what you wanted out of life—and there’s a good chance your expectations haven’t been reevaluated since. Questioning those desires and seeing if they still make sense is critical. (For example, maybe you told yourself, “I will be married by age 25,” but now you’re in your 20s, focusing on your career and loving the single life.) The more you recognize how irrelevant or outdated your expectations are, the less they can bring you down.
2) Not being realistic
Before you expect someone to act a certain way, consider whether they can do it based on what you know about them and how they handled things in the past. If you set the bar too high, especially for others, you're heading for major letdowns and bitterness. Try to keep your expectations in check and adjust them to fit reality. It can save you a lot of pain in the long run.
3) Holding on
Ask yourself this question: Are my expectations helping me or making things worse? You can still believe in something without expecting it to happen. For example, you might respect people who are nice to waiters, but you must know that not everyone will be that way. We often think we should hold people to higher standards because the standards align with our values, but that doesn't mean holding onto those expectations is healthy. In fact, expectations make things more complicated—they make our emotions super intense without actually changing anything. Releasing expectations can be challenging, but it helps you stay sane.
Does all of this mean we should ditch all of our expectations?
Not necessarily.
Expectations can sometimes be reasonable as long as they’re helping you out. For instance, having expectations for yourself to perform well at school or work can motivate you to work harder and achieve your goals. Setting expectations early in your relationship can also establish boundaries to ensure that both parties are treated with kindness and respect. But when you start expecting your partner to fulfill your every need and desire, or when you place unrealistic expectations on yourself at work, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy or disappointment.
Overall, expectations aren't very helpful and can quickly become toxic. Therefore, it’s essential that you stay aware of yours and reflect on how they affect you.
If you're tired of the emotional rollercoaster of unmet desires and the weight of "what ifs," then read on to discover the 4-step plan to manage your expectations.
Sol Bites: Use This Word Instead
Here’s how I manage my expectations: Instead of expecting things to happen, I hope that they will happen.
As a little experiment, try to start using “I hope” in your self-talk so you can become more aware of how your expectations may impact you. Using hope will help you accept that you lack control and that life is uncertain. It also will help you find emotional relief from your expectations and build confidence in the long run. Here are some examples of what it will look like:
Instead of expecting a raise, say, “I hope my hard work will be recognized and considered for my advancement.”
Instead of expecting your partner to always know what you need without saying anything, say, “I hope they will listen to my needs and communicate openly with me.”
Instead of expecting everything to go perfectly on vacation, say, “I hope I can handle any expected challenges with grace and positivity.”
So here’s to holding on to hope and letting go of expectations.
Video Bite
When our expectations clash with reality, it's our hearts that take the hit. Sol TV Creator Jaime Bronstein shows us the healing power of radical acceptance – letting go of the fight opens us to higher vibrations of love and joy. What battle can you release today?
Words of Wisdom
Expectations are premeditated disappointments.
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We love you,
Mona & The Sol TV Team ❤️
After reading about the impact of high expectations, how do you feel about your own? |
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