Last week, we gave you six ways to lessen anxiety, but there's one more we want to add—and it's a biggie: confidence.

To feel less anxious, you need to feel more confident.

Dealing with anxiety is tough, no doubt about it. But let's be honest—building real and lasting self-confidence is a whole other level of challenging. Most people miss the key fact that confidence is like a two-sided coin: one is about managing insecurity, and the other has to do with building self-efficacy.

It’s not just about feeling less anxious at a party; it’s also about having the confidence to chat up new people while you’re at the party. It’s not only about stopping work-related panic attacks; it’s also about confidently looking for a new job when you’re stuck in one you don’t like.

TL/DR: Managing Two Sides of a Coin

Dealing With Insecurity

To keep things simple, let's use "insecurity" as a catch-all term for the inner thoughts and feelings that make it challenging to be confident—emotions like anxiety, nervousness, or fear, and thinking patterns like self-doubt, worry, and self-criticism.

Having a bit of insecurity is natural. Even the most confident people have moments of self-doubt and worry. The goal isn't about having zero insecurity; it's about handling it in a healthy and constructive way.

Imagine you're about to give a big presentation at work. Little worries about messing up pop into your mind, you feel a bit nervous, and maybe there are butterflies in your stomach or tension in your shoulders. This initial insecurity is common and normal, and you don’t have to stress about avoiding it altogether.

But if your confidence falters, the insecurity can quickly snowball into something much worse. For instance, you might spiral into five or six more worrying thoughts about what people will think when you (inevitably, in your mind) screw up. Now, your nervousness has escalated to intense anxiety, even borderline panic.

Or you might start beating yourself up for feeling insecure, criticizing yourself for being anxious, and worrying about your worries. This adds layers of guilt and anxiety on top of your initial insecurity, leading to a bigger mess of feelings.

Handling your initial insecurity poorly can turn it into full-blown and long-lasting stress, seriously messing with your confidence. On the other hand, people with a healthy sense of confidence accept that some insecurity is an everyday thing. While it might be uncomfortable, they don’t let it define their self-worth or ability to believe in themselves. They don't freak out during a moment of insecurity; they simply acknowledge it and move on.

To manage insecurity effectively, practice validating and accepting it rather than trying to squash it immediately. When emotions like anxiety and nervousness creep in, instead of worrying about their presence, recognize and name the feelings, and remind yourself that while they're uncomfortable, they aren't bad, and you're not wrong for feeling them. Remember, everyone feels this way at times.

Also try asking yourself: Can I work on setting better mental boundaries? You can't control whether a worrisome thought or emotion pops up, but you can control whether you dwell on it. Think of attention as a mental muscle: If you don’t train it to focus on the right things, it can get hijacked by every little worry.

No matter how good you get at managing insecurity, building the belief that you can handle challenging situations is crucial. That belief comes from real-life experience, not just clever tips or introspective exercises.

Understanding Self-Efficacy

Self-efficacy is the confidence that allows you to believe you can nail something even when you’re up against a challenge.

Having self-efficacy doesn’t magically erase all your fears and doubts. It means you can back yourself up to get the job done, even if you're a bit nervous.

For instance, if you're confident about public speaking, it means you trust that you can perform well in front of people even when you have jitters.

Or if you're in the middle of a golf match and not playing well, you know you have it in you to continue rather than throw your clubs and give up.

Also, self-efficacy isn’t a one-size-fits-all thing. Just because you're confident about your golf game doesn't automatically mean you'll feel the same about speaking on stage.

Building confidence requires patience. We so badly want to be successful at big endeavors—like killing it at stand-up comedy or moving the whole family to Europe for a year—that the fear and enormity of it all make us delay, procrastinate, and avoid even starting.

Then, when we finally scrape together enough willpower to give things a shot, we bomb. Why? Because we haven't built up the skills or self-assurance to quiet our insecurities. Performing poorly makes low confidence even worse. It's a vicious cycle.

However, if you work on building confidence like you would any other skill—with tons of practice, feedback, and more practice—you boost your chances of succeeding.

Sol Bites: How to Build Confidence

To build confidence, the key is to start small:

Pick one area where you want to feel more confident. Let's say it's speaking up during work meetings. Choose an accessible version of that situation: Commit to saying at least one thing in every meeting you attend. Each time, focus on handling your insecurities beforehand and in the moment.

Once you feel more assured, give yourself a slightly bigger challenge. Try voicing your agreement with someone else's point at least once per meeting. Practice doing that until it becomes second nature.

Keep going! Gradually tackle other scenarios you might find challenging so you can one day handle the big stuff, like confidently telling your boss you think they're wrong and explaining why your idea is better.

If you need help to build confidence, break down your goal into smaller pieces. Keep practicing these bite-sized challenges while managing your insecurities and boosting your self-efficacy.

True confidence comes from doing and experiencing, not just pondering and reflecting.

To build self-efficacy, your brain needs examples of you nailing certain situations. You can only make that happen with practice. And practice begins with one little thing: Just start doing it!

9-Step Confidence Boosting Plan to Crush Anxiety

Read this if you're ready to ditch self-doubt, silence your inner critic, and step into your power.

Video Bite

Sol TV creator Ellen Barrett is going to show us a simple plank pose. She'll explain how holding yourself in that pose, supporting the entire weight of your body, can increase confidence.

Words of Wisdom

Along the Same Lines…

We love you,
Mona & The Sol TV Team ❤️

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