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Get Set For Success By Doing This!

Get Set For Success By Doing This!

Do you struggle to juggle various responsibilities and commitments? Take charge of your time with the power of healthy boundaries!

Sol TV
July 27, 2023

This Newsletter at a Glance:

🏆 Set Boundaries for Success

🤯 TL/DR: Why Setting Boundaries Is Hard

💡 Sol Bites: 3 Steps to Set Internal Boundaries

🎥 Video Bite: Dr. Natalie Feinblatt on Boundaries

✨ Words of Wisdom

Last week, we discussed how to make values-based decisions rather than relying on emotional decision-making and how that is one of five habits that can help you be great at regulating your emotions.

We’re up to habit number five—assertiveness—and we’ll skip it! Well, sort of. A couple of months ago, we dedicated an entire newsletter to the topic; you can read it here. A quick refresher: Assertive communication is a critical habit because it allows you to focus on what you want rather than what you don’t want.

So today, we’re focusing on a bonus sixth habit that is critical if you want to excel at regulating your emotional state: boundaries. Learning to set clear ones will make you and your loved ones, friends, and co-workers happier.

Even if you know that setting boundaries with loved ones, friends, and co-workers is necessary, creating and enforcing them can still be challenging. (Look out for more on this in next week’s post.)

But the most critical boundaries you need are the ones within your mind. Most of our emotional struggles stem directly from being unable to manage our attention and what we choose to focus on. Internal boundaries are deeply personal and unique, but here are some examples of what they might look like:

⌚️ Limiting television or social media to one hour each day

💰 Sticking to a financial plan

🤫 Not gossiping

🕑 Only answering work emails during work hours

🤯 TL/DR: Why Setting Boundaries Is Hard?

Here are a few reasons why it may be hard to set boundaries with yourself:

❌ Your parents didn’t set healthy limits or boundaries for themselves.

⚠️ Your parents didn’t set consistent, reasonable limits or boundaries for you/there were no rules in your house.

🔒 You feel boundaries make you feel deprived or controlled.

Setting limits is a way to re-parent yourself and give you self-control, structure, and security you might not have received as a child.

💡 Sol Bites: 3 Steps to Setting Internal Boundaries

📝 Acknowledge the distraction.

By consciously admitting when you have unhelpful mental occurrences, you diminish their influence and will find it easier to redirect your focus toward more constructive matters.

Pro Tip: When you notice something distracts you, write it down. It will help you better understand the worry, craving, impulse, or whatever it is and gain control over it. This action provides an opportunity to understand better the worry, craving, impulse, or similar concerns, facilitating detachment from them.

❤️ Validate your feelings.

Consider validating them instead of reacting to challenging emotions by immediately attempting to eliminate them.

For example, you could say, “I feel a sense of guilt for not completing this task more effortlessly, but everyone experiences procrastination. Feeling guilty doesn't make me a bad person.”

🎯 Reinforce with values.

To avoid being consumed by unhelpful thoughts, worries, impulses, etc., redirect your attention towards something positive. You only need 30 seconds to define the purpose behind a desired action. Thinking about specific details and vivid imagery will remind you of the significance of your value.

For example, if you find yourself distracted when you’re spending time with your children, you might stop and think something like: “One of my fundamental values is prioritizing being fully present with my children. I aim to give them my undivided attention whenever I’m in their presence and ensure they feel wholly valued. I had joyful experiences with my parents and grandparents, who intensely focused on the present moment. I am motivated to emulate the same behavior with my children.”

🎞️ Video Bite

In this video, hear what Sol TV Founding Creator Dr. Natalie Feinblatt, a licensed clinical psychologist, has to say about checking our boundaries and how to set & maintain boundaries.

💡 Words of Wisdom

❝

Set the boundary in your mind, and watch as it transforms your life. Protect your mental space from negativity, doubt, and fear, and make room for peace, clarity, and growth.

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