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One Third of Adults Say This Is Their Biggest Fear
Do you avoid confrontation at all costs? If so, you're not alone. The good news is that you can overcome your fear of confrontation.
Sol TV
May 18, 2023
This Newsletter at a Glance:
š¤ 1/3 of Adults Say This Is Their Biggest Fear
š TL/DR: Studies Show This Fear Is Real
š¤ Sol Bites: 7 Points to Effective Confrontations
šļø Video Bite: Neil Seligman on Overcoming Fear
š§āāļø Words of Wisdom
What do you think is the most common fear among American adults? Youāre probably thinking itās public speaking, fear of heights, or fear of spiders, however, according to a survey conducted by the American Psychological Association, itās a fear of confrontation. 36% of respondents cited it as the No. 1 thing that makes them afraid.
Think about this fearās impact on our lives:
You may fear making a doctorās appointment because you expect bad news.
You avoid discussing boundaries with your boss because you expect retaliation.
When friends make plans, you donāt want to voice your opinion because you expect disappointment.
Avoiding confrontation in the short term might provide temporary relief from emotional discomfort, but its long-term impact on your health is indisputable. Avoidance leads to chronic worry, low self-confidence, resentment, and irritability.
š TL/DR: Our Fear Is Real
The fear of confrontation is a common and powerful emotion, and studies suggest that people across all cultures share it.
The good news is that avoiding difficult conversations is not a habit youāre stuck with for life. With a few mindset shifts and behavioral changes, you can confidently train yourself to handle complex conversations.
š¤ Sol Bites: 7 Points to Effective Confrontations
Hereās a step-by-step guide on how to face challenging situations and have hard conversations:
š Identify the issue youāre avoiding, then list what is behind your feelings and how youād like to see things change.
- Specificity is the key to success regarding confident and effective confrontations. Name everything you can think of in your list that may be driving your avoidance, including the people involved in the issue, the emotions you feel, and the fantasies that run through your mind.
- When writing about what youād like to be different, remember that you canāt change other peopleās behaviorāyou can only control your own.
ā° Choose a good time and place for the confrontation.
- When and where you do, it matters more than you think: couples often get into bitter fights and arguments in bed simply because they're tired and stressed after a long day. Choose an optimal time based on the other person's personality and habits.
- Make sure youāll be safe. For example, if you are considering confronting a potentially abusive partner or spouse, have your confrontation in a semi-public space and bring a friend or support person with you (even if theyāre just hanging around nearby).
š§āāļø Counteract the stress response.
When weāre stressed, we often start to focus on things that seem scary. Breathe deeply before and during a confrontationāthat mindfulness can help you stay focused.
š„ Share responsibility for the issue.
An excellent way to avoid putting someone on the defensive during a confrontation is to own up to your part in the issueāas long as youāre truthful. For example, if you're telling your boss theyāre micromanaging, you may have to acknowledge that itās likely a result of you making many mistakes when you first started your job.
š³ļø Avoid getting competitive.
Remember, your goal is to improve the situation youāre confronting someone about, not simply trying to win an argument.
š°ļø Don't dredge up past issues.
Stay focused on the future and how things can improve. Discussing the past is only helpful if you can use an example from the past that can be applied to the current situation.
šš½ Use reflective listening and acknowledge one good point the other person makes.
Restating what someone else has said in your own words makes the other person feel heard and understood. As a result, they'll be more confident and lead your conversation in a productive direction.
In every confrontation, try to acknowledge at least one good point the other person makes, even if you don't think their overall position is correct. It will go a long way toward keeping a difficult conversation balanced and calm.
šļø Video Bite
Meet Neil Seligman, an International Mindfulness Expert, Author, and the founder of The Conscious Professional. Neil, in his pursuit of conscious solutions, has unlocked the power of mindfulness and conscious leadership.
In this video, Neil shares his insights on overcoming fears to unleash your true potential. He guides you to shift your focus from fear, helping you prioritize your needs and navigate towards personal growth and excellence.
š” Words of wisdom
Conflict cannot survive without your participation.
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