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Overcoming the Victim Narrative: The Exit Strategy

Overcoming the Victim Narrative: The Exit Strategy

Plus, your blueprint for assertive living.

Sol TV
December 07, 2023

This Newsletter at a Glance

🔎 Are You in Victim Mode?

🌟 TL/DR: Perks of Victim Mode

✋ Sol Bites: 5 Ways to Stop Being a Victim

🎥 Video Bite: Jaime Bronstein on Victim Mode

🦉 Words of Wisdom

Ever felt like the world (or at least certain people in it) are working against you? Or do you know someone who feels that way? When a person falls into a victim mindset, their perspective on life is filtered into two categories: good and bad. They see themselves as faultless and blame all negative outcomes on things outside their control.

Bad things happen to all of us—maybe it’s childhood trauma, betrayal, or a painful loss. Knowing it’s not your fault is crucial when those events happen. You can't take personal responsibility for things that are out of your control. At the same time, feeling sorry for yourself or powerless during tough situations, like losing someone you love or breaking up, is normal. This is called self-pity.

Falling into victim mode, however, is next-level suffering. A person who does this feels perpetually wronged and relies on sympathy from others. Instead of moving on from a traumatic event, they hold on to it and keep telling that story over and over again—they are mentally stuck in that state. They continue to view their problems as the result of unfair circumstances or things other people have done, even when there is no proof.

But get this: Constantly being in victim mode has many awesome advantages.

TL/DR: Perks of Victim Mode

Check out some of these sweet perks of blaming other people for your problems:

✨ You’re off the hook for owning up to your actions.

💫 You can complain all day and earn some major sympathy points.

🌸 People actually pity you and give you the attention you crave.

🌟 No one wants to criticize or mess with you.

📚 You can tell crazy tales of what happened and become a fascinating character.

🌹 There's always some juicy drama happening in your life, and being sad and upset means no time for anger.

Okay, the truth is, those might feel like real benefits, but they’re not really helpful. Victim mode is connected to trauma a person has faced in the past. Dealing with old, painful experiences means confronting a ton of intense emotions that may have been suppressed, such as anger, shame, and sadness—and that’s scary and hard.

But, hey, the good news is that having a victim mentality is a learned behavior, so you can unlearn it if you want to.

Sol Bites: Stop Being a Victim

Be a hero and save yourself from getting stuck in a cycle of perceived victimhood. Here’s how:

Tell better stories.

First, think about where your victim-based perspective may have originated. Reflect on your past and what influenced you. Then, focus on shutting down your negative thoughts and stories and replace them with confidence.

Deal with anger.

Don't get caught up in how things "should be" or want everything to be “fair.” Remember that people mostly act in their own self-interest—and that the outcome of some events is up to the universe. In other words, something that happened to you might not have been personal, but instead, it was just collateral damage or out of our control. Once you start seeing things in a different light, you can let go of your anger. Instead, use that energy to be productive or learn from a crappy situation so it never happens again.

Celebrate wins.

Don't downplay your accomplishments! Revel in your victories, whether they’re big or small. The more you acknowledge and feel good about your wins, the more confident you become. Plus, when you're confident, you won't feel like a victim because you'll realize that you can direct your own life.

Walk away.

Don’t be afraid to leave a situation that gives you a bad vibe. You have the power to choose who you hang around— and if you're stuck in a situation where you can't bail (like a work meeting), use assertive communication to set better boundaries.

Practice gratitude.

Stop fixating on what you don't have. Focus on what you do have. Positive vibes attract more positivity, so focus on how you are fortunate and radiate that gratitude.

Video Bite

Break free from victimhood with Sol TV Creator Jaimie Bronstein. Instead of blaming others, take responsibility for your reactions. You are the common denominator in your relationships and experiences. When someone upsets you, don't accuse them.

Look inward and ask "Why does this bother me?" Your unresolved issues create unhealthy triggers. Do the inner work to resolve them. Then the outer triggers will disappear.