- Wisdom & Sol
- Posts
- The Secret to Dealing Other People's Bad Moods (and Your Own)
The Secret to Dealing Other People's Bad Moods (and Your Own)
Read this to understand emotions as clues, not problems, and foster deeper connections with loved ones.
Sol TV
December 12, 2024
š§ļø Dealing With Bad Moods
š TL/DR: Emotions As Clues
š Sol Bites: How to Validate & Listen
š“ Redditās Bad Mood Advice Is Boring. Hereās What Actually Works.
š¹ Video Bite: Melissa Impett on Navigating Bad Moods
š Words of Wisdom
Dealing with bad moods and difficult emotions can be tough, whether theyāre yours or someone elseās. You canāt fix another personās emotional problems, but you can develop skills to show your support in an authentic way. Even if the help you offer doesnāt landāor the other person doesnāt want your assistanceālearning techniques like emotional validation and reflective listening can help you stay calm and effective, rather than reactive and impulsive, when facing someoneās bad moods.
TL/DR: Emotions As Clues
When you have a loved one who is anxious, sad, or frustrated, itās easy to see their feelings as a problem you need to fix right away. Thatās why weāre often quick to dish out advice. But youāve probably noticed that giving advice to an emotionally overloaded person usually doesnāt helpāand sometimes it even makes things worse.
Instead of thinking of a loved onesā emotions as a problem, what if you shifted your mindset to being curious about what is bothering them and looked at their feelings as clues instead? Ask yourself questions like, "Whatās going on in their head thatās causing this much pain?" or "What external circumstances might have triggered this feeling?" or "Even if they donāt enjoy being sad, is there a hidden benefit theyāre getting from it?" When youāre driven by curiosity, itās easier to be supportive, and that is the behavior that someone who is overwhelmed is really looking for. This strategy is especially helpful when emotions are running high for both of you.ó §ó ¢ó ³ó £ó “ó æ
Sol Bites: How to Validate & Listen
Oftentimes, when we deal with other peopleās bad moods, we make the mistake of feeling responsible for how they feel. Hereās why thatās a problem: You can only be responsible for what you can control. Taking on responsibility for things you canāt control will leave you frustrated and disappointed.
Emotions fall into that category of things you canāt directly control, whether theyāre your own or someone elseās. But you can take responsibility for your actions and how you react and use your energy. Hereās how to do it:
Step one: Validate your emotions first
People often get uncomfortable (annoyed, anxious, overwhelmed, helpless) when dealing with other peopleās bad moods. For example, your partner is sad and you get irritable. Your boss is stressed and you get anxious. Your mom is grumpy and you respond with sarcasm.
The problem is, once we get caught up in our own emotions, itās hard to handle another personās feelings on top of that. The key is to get better at managing your emotional responses early so they donāt get out of control.
One way to do that is called emotional validation, which means accepting your emotions as they are and acknowledging itās okay to feel them even if theyāre uncomfortable.
What does that look like? Letās say your partner has been upset all night about something that happened at work, and theyāre very riled up. Youāve managed to stay calm, but now youāre getting irritated.
Instead of lecturing them or beating yourself up for feeling annoyed, try validating your own feelings. Take a moment to acknowledge your annoyance and accept itās a normal reaction.
Step two: Move into reflective listening mode
The biggest communication mistake that people make (especially couples!) is getting stuck in fix-it mode. Imagine Sam is upset and shares his feelings with Alex. Seeing Sam in pain, Alex jumps in to try to do something about it.
But the truth is that most people dealing with heavy emotions arenāt looking for a solution; they just want to be heard and understood. This may seem counterintuitive but itās a universal human truth. Once you accept it, communication gets better for everyone.
One way to get out of fix-it mode and into making another person feel heard is through reflective listening. It involves echoing back what someone says to you, word-for-word or in your own words.
For example:
Person A: "I was totally ignored at the party!"
You: "You felt really unseen."
Person B: "You always tell me what to do instead of really hearing me."
You: "You feel I offer solutions without really listening."
It could feel a little weird, simplistic, and maybe even condescending at first, but it works. Itās not about the wordsāitās about the empathy.
When you reflect back someoneās feelings, youāre showing youāre with them and get their experience. Youāre offering real connection, not advice.
Most of the struggle we experience when dealing with other peopleās bad moods comes from wanting to give advice and make the pain go away. By letting go of the idea you need to make someone feel better you can free up energy to actually connect with and support them.
Plus, three tips to tackle bad moods.
Video Bite
Struggling with a bad mood? You're not alone. Sol TV Creator Melissa Impett explains why it's important to acknowledge our emotions and shares powerful tips for shifting our perspective. Learn to create a "high-vibe toolbox" to navigate those tough days.
Words of Wisdom
You don't have to control your thoughts. You just have to stop letting them control you.
Along the Same Linesā¦
 |  |
We love you,
Mona & The Sol TV Team ā¤ļø
Lastly, some housekeepingā¦
If you can't find the newsletter, check your spam folder. If itās there, mark it as ānot spam.ā
Whitelist our email. Add our email address [email protected] to your contacts listor your Primary inbox in Gmail.
Did the idea of viewing emotions as "clues" rather than "problems" resonate with you? |
Reply