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The Secret to Positively Influence People (Without Nagging)
Learn how rewarding small positive behaviors leads to lasting change.
Sol TV
January 25, 2024
This Newsletter at a Glance
đź’ˇ What Is Differential Reinforcement?
🔍 TL/DR: Influencing With Finesse
🌟 Sol Bites: 5 Steps to Influencing
🎥 Video Bite: Robin Richardson on Behavior Change
đź’ Words of Wisdom
We all know that we can't control what other people do — but we actually can influence their actions. And if you want to make an even stronger impact, try using a technique from the world of psychology called differential reinforcement.
The basic idea is that you reward the behavior you want and don't give any props for the behavior you don't want. And the best part? You can change a person’s behavior without resorting to negative tactics commonly used to influence others, such as nagging, bullying, threatening, or ultimatums.
To understand how it plays out, consider a common workplace situation:
Suppose your co-worker, Ian, has an annoying habit of interrupting and talking over others during team meetings. Many people might be inclined to point out to Ian how disrespectful his behavior is and how it disrupts the flow of the meeting, or maybe you tell your supervisor each time it happens.
It turns out that’s not a very effective strategy. By calling Ian out in public, you’re banking on his fear of embarrassment to force him to stop. But in reality, you’re unintentionally reinforcing his desire for attention by reacting strongly each time he interrupts.
TL/DR: Influencing With Finesse
So how can you solve a problem using differential reinforcement? The first step is to try encouraging and reinforcing a more desirable behavior. For instance, in an Ian-type situation, you could suggest that your colleague wait for their turn to speak or raise their hand instead of interrupting. Each time they demonstrate the preferred behavior, you can give them positive recognition by celebrating it with praise, a smile, or a little cheer.
Next, it is important to ignore any interruptions and refrain from giving them attention. That may require patience because trying to eliminate a behavior directly often leads to unintended consequences—it could make it persist or even escalate. In most situations, it’s more effective to focus your efforts on reinforcing the desirable behavior and disregarding the problematic one.
Ultimately, using this approach addresses the interruption issue and introduces positivity to your relationship with Interrupting Ian, fostering a more enjoyable and productive connection.
Sol Bites: 5 Steps to Influencing
Here is a step-by-step guide on how to use differential reinforcement to influence the behavior of those around you positively:
Identify the specific problematic behavior.
Targeting a concrete behavior rather than a feeling or thought is important. For instance, you can use differential reinforcement to address someone keeping a messy room or showing up late for meetings, but not emotions like sadness or worry.
Determine an alternative behavior.
Once you’ve identified a negative behavior, think about a more positive one that can replace it. For example, the person could pick up their clothes from the floor or show up five minutes early to meetings.
Articulate the alternative behavior.
Clearly communicate to the other person what they need to do. Take the opportunity to explain the new behavior and its components. For instance, if you want to promote constructive feedback instead of critical comments in meetings, address the importance of using respectful language and avoiding sarcasm.
Choose a strong reinforcer.
Along with defining the alternative behavior, it is important to have a powerful reinforcer to reward the person for adopting the new behavior. The reinforcer, such as genuine praise, should be immediate and personally valuable to the individual.
Start with frequent and consistent reinforcement, then gradually fade it out.
Even though rewards and praise may seem childish or unsustainable, they are crucial in the early stages of behavior change to ensure their effectiveness. Once the new behavior becomes a habit, the frequency of the reinforcement and the intensity of the praise can be reduced and even eliminated.
Video Bite
Sol TV Creator Robin Richardson discusses a beautiful formula of how to discern what you want and don’t want in life.
She explains the existence of contrasting behaviors and the importance of identifying and positively reinforcing preferred alternatives through love and care. This process subtly transforms negative patterns into more constructive behaviors over time.
Words of Wisdom
Positive reinforcement is the key to success. Reward the behavior you want to see and watch it flourish, but withhold any reward for the behavior you don't want to encourage.
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Mona & The Sol TV Team ❤️
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