We all want to feel heard and understood. The foundation of meaningful connections is the ability to truly listen. When we become active listeners, we strengthen relationships and gain a deeper understanding of others. 

Here are four key principles to help you become a better listener and  improve your conversation skills.

Listening Principle No. 1: Supportive, Not Solving

Think about a time you've shared a problem with a friend or family member. Did they immediately jump in with solutions? Wanting to fix things is a natural instinct, but sometimes what someone needs most is a listening ear and a supportive heart, not a fix-it plan.

Imagine you and a friend are building with Lego bricks. Your friend is trying to build a spaceship, but they're getting stuck. 

There are two ways you could help:

Initiate a takeover: You grab the Legos and say, "Don't worry, I'll build it for you!" This might seem helpful, but it doesn't really let your friend figure things out on their own.

Offer support: You say to your friend, "Hey, that spaceship looks cool! What part are you working on?" You listen to their ideas and maybe ask, "Do you think those red blocks would fit there?" This way, you're helping them think without taking over.

Supporting and not solving is like being a cheerleader. You show someone you believe in them and their ideas, even if they need a little nudge in the right direction. 

Being a good listener means understanding that sometimes people just want to vent, process their thoughts out loud, or feel validated. Trying to immediately solve their problems can come across as dismissive.

Key Phrases to Remember:

"That sounds really frustrating."

"I can see why that would be difficult."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

Listening Principle No. 2: Gentle Inquiry

A skilled listener doesn't just nod. They also show active engagement with gentle inquiry—  using questions that don't have a yes or no answer. This creates a safe space for the speaker to express themselves and explore their own thoughts and feelings. 

Helpful Phrases for Gentle Inquiry:

"Can you tell me more about that?"

"How did that make you feel?"

"What was that experience like for you?"

Without Gentle Inquiry:

Person A: My brother got Covid. I hope he makes it through.

Person B: You know when I was in college, my mom was hospitalized while I was abroad in Germany. That was a scare.

Analysis: While Person B's intent may be to relate, they unintentionally derail the focus of the conversation. This can make Person A feel dismissed or unheard.

With Gentle Inquiry:

Person A: My brother got Covid. I hope he makes it through.

Person B: That sounds incredibly stressful. How are you doing?

Analysis: Person B acknowledges the gravity of the situation and invites Person A to express their emotions. This open-ended question creates space for vulnerability and builds a stronger connection.

Listening Principle No. 3: Pleasing,  Not Proving

Conversations shouldn't feel like battles. Even if you don’t agree with what someone is saying, focus on the pleasure of discovering their perspective and don’t give into the urge to push your own opinion. Prioritizing understanding is a key to learning how to converse better.

Choose curiosity over trying to tell the other person what you think (and why you think it’s right), and you might be surprised by the insights you gain.

Imagine you're having a conversation with a friend about a recent movie. They didn't like it, but you loved it. Instead of jumping in with reasons why they're wrong, try saying, "I never thought of it that way! Why didn't it resonate with you?"

Listening Principle No. 4: Affirmation

In a world that's often quick to judge or offer unsolicited advice, the power of simple affirmation can't be overstated. When we truly validate someone's experiences, we give them the space to feel seen and understood.

Consider a friend who's been struggling to find a job. Instead of offering solutions, you might say: "This sounds incredibly tough. I know how hard you've been working, and I admire your determination."

Affirmation is like a warm hug for the soul. It reminds people they're not alone, it builds their confidence, and strengthens your bond with them.

These four principles are not about becoming a perfect listener overnight. The initial goal is simply to try them out. With each conversation, take a moment to ask yourself: Am I offering support, asking thoughtful questions, seeking to understand, and affirming the other person? Small shifts in your listening habits can lead to extraordinary connections.

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We love you,
Mona & The Sol TV Team ❤️